


Carlisle and Esme

by VampireGuardDogs



Series: twilight headcanons - couples [4]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Family, First Meeting, Fluff, Gift, Gifts, Hurt/Comfort, In Love, Soulmates, Valentine's Day, connection, first Valentine's Day, relationship, soft, soulmate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 06:51:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17637881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireGuardDogs/pseuds/VampireGuardDogs
Summary: A collection of headcanons of Carlisle and Esme's relationship





	1. in love

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! Come talk to me on Tumblr under the username vampireguarddogs and to see a bunch more Twilight content, including writing I don't post here and moodboards! I also accept writing requests for your favorite ship, character, or group. I love any kind of message, long or short, about my work or anything! Have a great day. :)

carlisle is always incredibly gentle with esme. he’ll brush her hair behind her ears (to see her face better) with feather-light fingers. he carefully loops his fingers through hers, leaving her to squeeze his hand tighter. she usually makes the first move for physical contact. when she doesn’t, he’ll ask explicit permission before touching her: may i kiss you? may i hold your hand? do you want to have sex? she rarely says no, but whenever she does, he simply asks if there’s something else she needs.

they love to tell anyone and everyone how they met. of course, the story has changed many times over the years. they rarely tell the “real one,” as that would probably break some rules of the volturi, but the elements are all there. “we met when we were young, and then we found each other again. he saved me and i saved him,” is how esme starts every time. carlisle looks down at the ground, unable to hold back his smile. he loves the stories his love comes up with every time. if he could blush, he’d be bright red. he insists she should try writing novels sometime. 

they love doing simple things together. going to the grocery store, running other errands, doing their taxes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever needs to be done. esme may do some of it while carlisle is at work, but she often waits for him to come home so they can work on it together. it’s their time to laugh and talk and be together as a couple. he often takes the night shift, so he can be home for this time while the kids are at school.

one of their biggest priorities when looking for a new house in whatever new area they’re moving to is to have a room where esme can paint. he realized her love of this shortly into their relationship, and loved to encourage it. she never has a shortage of paints and brushes, and her easel is one of the few non-decoration things that comes with them to every single house they live in. she sets the room up with a good storage system for her paints and brushes, and has stacks on stacks of canvases of various sizes. when setting up the room, she always makes sure to leave room for an armchair by the window. carlisle loves to sit here and watch her paint. sometimes he’ll read a book, but a lot of the time he just watches her. he loves to hear her describe what she’s painting, how she’s painting it, anything. the sound of her voice is so relaxing. she swears there’s nothing more inspiring than the sun glinting off of his dimples when he smiles at her.

esme loves to surprise him at work whenever she gets the chance. she’ll often claim he “forgot his lunch/dinner” just to pop in and give him a hug and ask about his day. she’ll do this more often if she knows he has a particularly difficult case load, or is working with a terminal patient that he’s gotten close too. she doesn’t usually stay too long, just long enough for a quick kiss. sometimes she’ll stay long enough to drive home with him (one of the kids dropped her off), and she’ll stay in his office, reading or helping him reorganize. they just like being near each other.

carlisle has been a vampire for so long that he acts like such an old man sometimes, and esme loves to remind him how young he is, especially with the benefits of immortality. they’ll run through the forest for hours, racing each other to see who can cross into the nest state the fastest. they’ll swim in oceans and rivers, seeing how deep they can go. she’ll run up every tree in the area, daring him to run up and catch her. in the winter, he’ll take her on long walks around the woods surrounding their home, walks that usually end with her pelting him with snowballs. they’ll build snowmen and snow angels in the yard for hours, filling the yard to the point it’s difficult to walk through it.

once a year, carlisle will take her to isle esme for a week to spend time together alone. they spend most of the time lying on the beach in silence, just enjoying the feel of being together and watching the sunlight dance off of each other’s skin.


	2. expressing love

“love is patient, love is kind” are the words that come to mind when discussing esme and carlisle’s relationship, and how they interact with each other. carlisle is always sure to be gentle with esme, whether he’s holding her hand or kissing her or even softly brushing the hair behind her ears, he makes sure she knows the simple gesture is full of love. every simple move he makes around or for her is full of love, every time. 

they both grew up in such loveless households: carlisle is such a strict, religious household with an absent father and no mother, and esme in a household where she wasn’t allowed to be herself and was told to just suffer the abuse in silence. so they’re sure to constantly show their love, so that neither ever has to remember what it was like or worry that’s what their household has become. 

the very first thing carlisle does when he gets home from work is find esme. sometimes she’s outside in her garden, or in the kitchen baking or cooking something for the wolves, or up in her studio painting or designing a new building, or maybe she’s outside on a walk or laying around watching something on their television. wherever she is, he finds her, and greets her with a kiss before asking about her day. they’ll sit for awhile and talk about their days, holding hands as they share stories.

esme loves to help carlisle get ready for work. she’ll help him straighten his tie, make sure his coat is always washed and ironed, and that he has his briefcase and any other papers all ready to go. she likes to tuck little notes in the pockets of his clothes. sometimes they’re in his jacket, other times his shirt pockets, sometimes in the pockets of his pants. carlisle always know they’re there, but he usually waits until he has a rough moment at work to actually open and look at them. they never fail to cheer him up. he’s kept every single note in a small box in their room. 

they always give each other a quick kiss before one of them leaves the house alone. for carlisle, it’s usually when he goes to work, and esme will take the opportunity to smooth his tie one last time and kiss him on the lips before letting him leave. esme has forgotten a few times, and every time she’ll chase his car down the long driveway until he stops and gets out for her.

for esme, it’s usually when she’s going to run errands for the house, or drop off whatever that week’s donations are. carlisle will help her carry her things out to the car. he’ll then wrap his arms around her waist and hold her close, kissing her on the forehead and then on the lips before she climbs in the car to drive away. he still does this even if he’s coming with her. if he’s not, he’ll wait in the driveway waving until she drives out of sight. 

carlisle loves to watch esme work. whether she’s painting, drawing, designing, cooking; whatever it is, he loves to watch her. he’ll stand or sit by her or her work space, watching her make the careful, loving movements that color everything she does. he doesn’t often say much (she prefers to work in silence), just watches her with a small smile on her face thinking about how glad he is to have her in his life. he knows he should be quiet as she works, but sometimes he can’t help it and just blurts out “i love you,” or something similar as she works. she always rolls her eyes before responding, but she secretly loves it.

they rarely call each other “carlisle” and “esme,” choosing instead to use every single pet name under the sun and then some. they’ve called each other baby, babe, honey, sweetie, darling, my love, beautiful, sweetheart, and so many others. each new pet name earns an eye roll and a groan from their kids, but they each light up every time.


	3. soulmates

from the first moment that esme woke up as a vampire, she knew that she and carlisle were meant to be together. 

carlise had hope, hope that this beautiful, carefree women he had met once upon a time would be something, anything to him. anything to help relieve the crushing loneliness that had been his life for centuries. but he was terrified that she would hate him upon waking up. hate him for being another person that took her choices away, another person that tried to change her against her will.

so he avoided her for a while after her transformation was complete. he took extra shifts at the hospital, working double, triple overtime. he “slept” in the on call room, “ate” by taking food from the cafeteria and “eating” it in his office as he worked on patient’s charts. he signed up for extra surgeries, extra consultations, extra patients. anything to keep from going home. it got so bad that the hospital had to eventually kick him out, claiming that he needed to go home and get some rest. you couldn’t be a good doctor by depriving yourself.

edward had been left with esme this whole time. they bonded, him helping her understand that she was a vampire now, and what that meant. he showed her how to hunt. she learned how to act like a human, how to blend in as best as she could. he gave her ways to manage all the extra time she had; she could finally work again on her childhood hobbies of painting and designing without ridicule or hearing comments about “that’s not what girls should do.” edward warned her of her newfound strength, but she didn’t see it as danger. she could climb and jump from trees, run barefoot through the woods, skip through rivers. it wasn’t long before she discovered she was virtually indestructible; a trait she had to test as much as she could. she was so excited discovering the new things her body could do that she almost forgot about the man who had saved her. almost.

when carlisle had to leave the hospital, he didn’t go straight home. he went to hunt first, drinking his fill and then some, trying in vain to delay the inevitable trip home, afraid of what he would find waiting for him. he had told edward to call if there was trouble, but he hadn’t heard from him. carlisle wondered what edward had seen in his thoughts that kept him from calling. he took a deep breath he didn’t need before entering the house, grabbing whatever few seconds of peace he could before he had to face what he had done.

edward and esme were sitting at the piano, laughing. an easel that hadn’t been there before he left was set up in the corner, still wet from the generous layers of paint that had been carefully applied to the painting of a mother and child. the details weren’t quite sharp enough, the colors not quite accurate, but carlisle would recognize the kind face of the woman he was avoiding anywhere. edward paint containers where scattered around, paintbrushes still sitting in water. esme was still wearing a paint-splattered apron. 

edward looked up when carlisle walked in, reading his panicked thoughts. this wasn’t his battle, his cross to bear. he nodded once to carlisle, waved goodbye to esme, and ducked out into the forest surrounding their home. he was going far away. he would be back, but he knew his father and their new companion needed time alone to figure out what had been done. it wasn’t his place to pry. he went far enough so that they wouldn’t be overheard.

“i’m so sorry,” carlisle said as soon as edward could no longer be seen or heard. esme had opened her mouth to speak, but carlisle had stopped her, wanting to get out his apologies before she yelled at, attached him like he deserved, like the monster he was, like the monster he had made her. “i should have asked. i should have considered what this change would do to you. you don’t deserve to be trapped like this forever. you should be free. it was so incredible selfish of me to do this to you, and i ran away like a coward until i couldn’t avoid it any longer. i’m so sorry. it’s not enough, but it’s all i can say. i’ll help you with whatever you need to start your life over again; it doesn’t have to be here. i understand if you don’t want to be here,” carlisle rambled on and on. he had had days to plan what he would say when esme confronted him, but all of his careful planning went out the window when she fixed her bright red, but still somehow kind and welcoming, eyes on him. 

during his speech, esme had stood up from the piano and walked to carlisle. she stood in front of him, still standing in the doorway, the door wide open, baring their world to anyone who happened to walk by the secluded forest spot. she smiled, a small, sad smile, thinking of all she had lost but also all she had gained.

“you don’t need to apologize,” she said, speaking softly. “yes, you should have asked. but what i did... i should have thought it through more. i didn’t want to die. i wanted to live. i wanted to be free. free from my parent’s expectations, from what char... from my loveless marriage, from the loss of my son, the one good thing in my life. i’ve lived more in this week then i have in years. i can be who i want to be. this certainly isn’t what i imagined for myself, but it feels right somehow,” she explained, opening up as best as she was able, sharing as much as she could. some things she would keep to herself for now; they could wait. they had all the time in the world now.

“are you sure?” he asked, not quite sure he could believe what she was saying. how could anyone be okay with becoming like this? never changing, never aging, being the same throughout history, and the loneliness that came with it? 

“you’re not the monster you think you are,” esme said, reaching a head out as if to touch his cheek, before pulling it back. “i asked about you while you were gone. edward wouldn’t tell me much. he explained about his power, knowing that he hears so much more than what you want him to. but i pressed and pressed, wanting to know about the man who saved me, why he wasn’t around. he eventually told me what you think of what you are. how you’ve spent your entire second life devoting yourself to helping others, giving certain few an extra chance. that’s what you did for me. you’re not a monster. and you didn’t make me one,” she said, stepping back awkwardly, trying to fight back certain memories that had threatened to overwhelm her her whole life, both past and current. she had seen her share of monsters. the gentle, kind man that was standing in front of her with nothing but kindness and apologies in his eyes and words wasn’t one of them. he couldn’t be.

“do you want to stay then?” carlisle asked, not sure what else to say. the woman in front of him was not a monster, never could be, never would be. that much he was sure. so did that mean he wasn’t? they were the same. different personalities and memories and histories, sure, but the same creature nonetheless. he had for so long viewed the creature he was as a monster, nothing more. nothing less. but someone like her, someone so soft and carefree and kind, even to him, someone who had done this to her, she couldn’t be a monster. it was impossible. that much he knew. so what did that mean for him?

“i’d like to, if that’s okay. edward said we’ll probably have to move soon?” esme said, looking into his eyes that looked so far away.

“yes, yes we will,” carlisle said while clearing his throat, his head and heart snapping back to reality, to the woman in front of him. “people think you’re... gone. we can’t risk you   
being seen,” he explained, hoping she would understand without getting too dark.

“that makes sense,” esme said, beginning to get lost in her thoughts again, lost in thoughts of the man that had saved her. she couldn’t help but feel anything but gratitude for him, for what he had done for her. of course she would stay with them. she would be with them, with him always.

“good. we’ll start making the plans soon,” carlisle said with an awkward nod. he picked up his work bag where he had left it, and began to head up the stairs to his room. esme watched him walk for a moment, and then flitted back to her easel to clean up.

“oh, and esme?” he said, smiling in spite of himself when he said her name.

“yes?” she said, stopping halfway to the kitchen, holding her watercup and a handful of brushes.

“welcome to the family,” carlisle said, before turning to continue up the stairs. “my family,” he added under his breath with a small smile, forgetting that he wasn’t the only one that could hear that. esme smiled, knowing that someday soon, it would be their family. she had found her home, the place she belonged, with the person she wanted to be with.


	4. first valentine's day

they didn’t really plan to do much for their first valentine’s day as a couple. carlisle had almost forgotten about the holiday, after being alone for so many years. esme had come to fear the day, not really knowing how he (she didn’t dare think his name, even now) would react when he came home. sometimes he would be kind, bringing her flowers and wanting to take her to a nice dinner or something similar. other times… not so much. so she had begun to push it to the side, to the back of her mind. carlisle made her feel loved every day; she didn’t need a special day for it. 

much like every night, they were just going to spend it together. maybe watch some movies, go hunting together, lay outside and admire the stars, read to each other, esme could paint while carlisle watched. they could talk late into the night. the night wouldn’t be much different from any other night, but that was okay. a little predictability was fine. it made esme calm, to know that she could predict what she could do and how she would be treated.

but as the holiday got closer, carlisle wanted to do something for her. she had brought such a light to their home, so much love to their lives, that he felt like she deserved the world and then some. even though it was just some romantic holiday, and he knew she would be happy with pretty much anything, he wanted to give her the world. or at least a part of it. he didn’t tell her what he was up to, just reminded her to keep the night open. of course she would. she would never say no to anything he asked. he had never given her a reason to doubt him.

carlisle came home one day a few days before the 14th, carrying a bouquet of roses. he kissed her on the forehead, each cheek, and then on the lips in greeting as he always did.  
“love, please pack a bag for a trip i’d like to take you on. we’ll be gone a week,” he said, presenting her with the roses. she laughed before taking them, going instantly to the kitchen to get them in a vase of water. she quickly stopped when she processed what he’d said. she turned to edwad, hoping for some help from the mind-reader, but he just shrugged. he wasn’t going to ruin carlisle’s surprise.

“what kind of trip, exactly?” she asked, flitting back to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her height, an action that pretty much almost always made him to whatever she asked. she liked surprises, but she wanted to know what he had planned more. he giggled, before a sharp intake of breath as she pulled him against her body. edward sighed and leaped outside, promptly ignored by the happy couple. 

“you’ll see,” carlisle said, clearing his throat. he tried to step back, but esme held him tight. she didn’t have too much of her newborn strength yet, as most of it had faded when she hit her year mark, but enough remained that she was still slightly stronger than him. he didn’t want to tug away too hard for fear of hurting her. besides, there was no where he’d rather be than her arms.

“you really won’t tell me?” esme asked, pouting. carlisle giggled again.

“nope. it’s a surprise for a reason,” he said, bending down to kiss her again. “now go pack. we need to leave for the airport in an hour.” he kissed her again and they sped up to their room, filling bags with some of their comfiest clothes to bring on the trip. carlisle told her it didn’t matter what she brought; they would be spending most of her time alone. she raised an eyebrow at that, causing carlisle to cough awkwardly, grateful he couldn’t blush anymore, knowing he would have been red to his hairline. 

they left the house an hour later, after saying goodbye to edward and packing the few bags they were taking along. the drive passed quickly; they spent it talking about other things they wanted to do together. esme tried again, unsuccessfully, to get carlisle to tell her where they were going. the short plane rides passed in much the same way; with the pair cuddling in their seats and sharing stories from their past and current lives. esme loved to talk about the trees and fields she’d played in as a child; carlisle loved to share stories of all the various places he had lived.

esme grew more curious when they stopped and left the airport; carlisle directed them to the docks where he had a boat waiting.

“taking me on a cruise?” esme asked, trying to draw it out of him.

“not quite,” he said, kissing her forehead before grabbing the bags and dropping them into the boat. he reached a hand over to help her climb in, and she gladly took it, squeezing as she did so. carlisle made quick work of getting the boat ready to sail, and then they were off. esme trailed her hand in the water, laughing at the feel of it on her hard skin. the water felt so warm. carlisle stood behind her, holding her other hand, watching as she played in the sea. he would occasionally get up to check that they were on the right course, before going right back to her side.

once they were close enough to their destination, carlisle took esme’s hands and pulled her so that she was standing next to him. she went, willingly as she always did, to his side.

“that’s where we’re going,” carlisle said, pointing to an island that was just beginning to take shape in the distance.

“an island?” esme asked, taking a moment to identify it. “which one is it?” 

carlisle looked down at the floor of the boat and smiled, squeezing esme’s hand softly. “uhh, it doesn’t quite have a name yet. i haven’t picked one... i was thinking ‘isle esme,’ if that’s okay with you,” he said, before finally looking into her eyes.

“why are you naming-” esme started to ask before it dawned on her. “wait, did you buy us an island?” she asked, looking up at him in disbelief.

“yes,” carlisle said, pulling her even closer. “all a part of my plan to give you the world.” he laughed, before she stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“you are my world,” she said, kissing him again and again as the moonlight shined on them.


	5. differences debate

they rarely fight. there’s not much to fight about when you’re a perfect match, almost like they were made for each other. whenever they do have arguments, they’re small, and they don’t last long. they’re usually about small things, like when they think it’s time to move, whether carlisle is spending too much time at the hospital, or how to handle one of their kids’ shenanigans. they quickly come to an agreement and then share a kiss to show there’s no ill will between them.

there’s one argument they have that’s a little deeper, a little bigger. it’s been going on the entire time they’ve know each other. when esme and carlisle first started to get to know each other, the topic came up. they don’t get angry over the other’s views, but it’s the one thing they’ve never come to an agreement on.

carlisle still believes that they’re all going to hell. he grew up in a very strictly anglican household, and was taught certain things about the world. despite literal centuries of distance from when he was first taught these things, he can’t unlearn. he still believes he’s damned every one of his children to hell. one of the bad things about being a vampire is that it’s very hard to change, and this is something he can’t quite change. he’s tried, but he just can’t change his mind after over three centuries of believing this way.

esme’s views were different. her upbringing had been as religious as that of any other child had grown up on a farm. her parents has brought her, however much she protested, so church every single sunday without fail. it was a baptist church, the only one around. it was where her family was able to socialize, how they met new people, how they kept up to date with the gossip of the town. for esme, it was never about the sermons she would do her best to tune out as the gray-haired man droned on and on from the front of the large, stuffy room. 

she didn’t want to believe this way. it made no sense that good people would go to be tortured forever because of a few mistakes. she wanted to see the good in people, regardless of what they had done in the past. none of the stories were interesting to her. all of the rules seemed so strict; if she believed, she wouldn’t have been able to do anything without fear of breaking one of them. when her parents asked, she’d say, yes, of course i agree with you. but she didn’t actually know what she believed. she didn’t want to believe in a hell, didn’t want to believe in a god that would turn his back on the children he supposedly love just because they made some bad choices.

she explained this to carlisle, over and over again. she used different examples, different scenarios, different stories from different people she had known. she tried everything to explain her views. he always respected and listened to everything she said, of course he did. he would ask any questions he could, sometimes the same question over and over, trying to get a different explanation that might make him understand. maybe one subtle change of wording could get them to click in his head. but, somehow, it never did. he couldn’t shake the thoughts he had been drowning in since he had been changed, the thoughts that his fathered had drilled into his head.

he would try to explain his side, but found that as time went on, he didn’t really want to. he didn’t want esme to see his point of view. she had such a good, loving view of the world. why would he want to change that? that itself seemed almost sinful, like the worst thing he could do. he still thought he had taken so much from her already, no matter how much she told him otherwise. he wouldn’t take away her beliefs too.

but carlisle found that the longer he spent with esme, the longer her laugh was music to his ears, the longer he watched her spend all her time doing good for others, the longer he spent surrounded with her love, the longer he spent listening to her overwhelming positive views of the world, the more he felt himself beginning to feel differently. maybe he would never full change his mind. maybe he would never stop believing in a hell, or that he may end up there somewhere if this life were to ever end. but as carlisle would look around at the life he had built, at the people he had built it with, he couldn’t help but think that maybe this was the heaven he had craved for so long.


	6. Saved

From the outside, anyone would say that it was Carlisle who saved Esme. She was dying, so near death that they didn’t bother trying to save her. Only some twist of fate, a true miracle, brought him down to the morgue. Even he could barely hear her heartbeat, one small sound in the cold, lonely room. He knew she was worth saving. They had only met for one short time a decade ago, but Carlisle hadn’t forgotten her. What had led that carefree, adventurous teen to this room so early in her life? He didn’t bother to find out; he just took her and ran, praying to a god he had barely trusted that he could save her in time.

She was, understandably, confused when she woke up. She hadn’t expected to ever wake up again. That wasn’t the plan. But then she recognized the man that had saved her. She looked into the kind, golden eyes, and recognized the same kindness that had helped heal her broken leg. “So you’ve saved me twice now,” she said, not quite knowing how he had done so. He was just surprised that she remembered him, and so clearly. Human memories were so fickle. He wasn’t quite sure if he agreed with her this time. Had he really saved her? Could this life they lived really be called “saved?” So he just explained this new existence to her, and left it at that.

But Esme had no doubt about all the good he had done for her. She could never forget or take for granted all that he had done for her, all the ways he had saved her. She fell in love with herself again as she fell in love with him. He gave her a chance, a new beginning. Before this, she had tried the only way she knew of to end the suffering of her human life. Esme could only thank every force possible daily that someone had cared enough to save her. She hadn’t thought that she wanted to be saved. But, oh god, was she grateful for the man that she knew had saved her.

But Carlisle? He knew he was the saved one. He would still say that changing Esme was the most selfish thing he had ever done. But that didn’t mean he regretted it. He would never, could never, regret anything that had led her into his life. He had spent too many long, lonely decades with only his mind for company. 

He knew about all kinda of love: platonic, familial, romantic. He had seen them portrayed in real life, by so many of the people he would pass day in and day out. Saw the Volturi, other vampires with their mates, a love so strong it conqured anything, possible in hearts that were no longer beating. Read so many love stories in books, watched them in plays. He could feel his father’s love fill his church, a love that was missing from their home ever since his mother had left. But he never imagined he’d experience any kind of love for himself. Edward was a nice companion, sure, but there was laways some distance there.

But then, Esme came along. A simple twist of fate, a few beats of a heart, and she was forever brought into his life, heart, body, and soul. With her, she brought an unseen warmth. She lit up their dark, lonely existence, turned their house into a home. He fell back in love with himself, with his life, able to see all the good he was through her bright, loving eyes. She became his confidant, his best friend, his comfort when their son left. She pulled him out of the depth of his memories, all the evil he had been taught this kind of creature was. He hadn’t even known he was drowning until she brought in a breath of fresh air. It was everything he wanted and needed, but hadn’t felt worth enough to ask for.

Their love was endless, a shared glass overflowing. They were everything they each needed, completing the other. Esme found someone she could trust, a gentleman what would do anything to avoid hurting her. She found someone who loved her not in spite of her adventurous spirit, her wild and carefree attitude, but because of it and so much more. He deighted in running after her, watching her leap from tree to tree. She was never afraid to fall knowing he was there to catch her.

Carlisle found someone who could love him, care for him unlike anyone he had ever experienced in his life. She was always there for him, when he returned from a long day at the hospital, when he questioned if he reallys houdl have “saved” the others, if he’d ever be free from his past. She gave him someone to hold onto, someone to love. With her, he finally had someone to catch.

Their relationship is that of equals, a constant give and take. Even through the worst of themselves, the other would never stop loving them. Neither believed in soulmates until they met theirs. No matter what happened, they would always be there to help the other. They’ve saved each other before, time and time again. They’ll be there, forever, because saving each other is saving themselves.


	7. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter comes with TW for domestic violence, abuse, and panic attacks.

It had been a long time since Esme felt reason for fear. She had grown comfortable in her life as a vampire. She knew she was physically stronger than anyone in her past who had tried to hurt her. They wouldn’t dare try again. She was capable of defending herself when needed. That was one of the first things she had asked about after a few weeks of living with Carlisle and Edward. She needed to know how to fight, how to defend herself if it was ever needed. She wouldn’t rely on someone else for her safety ever again. But she knew her new family would never hurt her. They were so gentle around her, so careful. Even Carlisle, careful with every touch, every kiss never dared to even raise his voice with her around. It wasn’t in his nature, no matter what happened.

Despite the safety and security her new life provided, Esme still struggled with parts of her past life on occasion. Old haunted would still creep up on her, dragging her down into memories she couldn’t forget, no matter how hard she tried. The venom had healed her body: repaired her bones along every crack, sealed together every cut in her skin, softened every scar, erased every bruise. But it couldn’t heal her mind. She still flinched at slammed doors. A raised voice could send her cowering for shelter, begging for a place to hide. She ran from heavy footsteps, kept herself small to avoid bringing anyone’s anger or hatred towards her. She still had moments where things would happen, certain triggers that led to her unable to slow her breath, made her feel like the safe world she had built for herself was crumbling down around her.

Carlisle wasn’t sure what he could to do help Esme when this happened to her. All he wanted to do was help, but he was terrified of doing something that would make it worse. He didn’t know how to ask what she needed, if there was anything he could to do help. He tried to avoid her whenever these things happened, but that only seemed to make it worse. He waited until after a particularly bad one to ask what he could do to help her.

He stood in the doorway, watching Esme try to pull herself out of memories he didn’t understand. “Esme?” he asked softly, careful not to startle her. She took awhile to respond, slowly moving her hands to wipe the tears from her face. She shook her head, signaling to Carlisle that he could come in. He slowly walked towards the bed, standing at the foot of it. Esme lifted her feet off of the ground and lifted her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around them.

“May I ask what happened?” Carlisle asked.

Esme lifted her head slightly to answer. “Nothing. I’m fine,” she mumbled, before burying her face in her arms again.

“Esme, I love and trust you with everything I am, but you don’t look fine,” he said, moving to sit on the bed next to her. “The others are off hunting, so it’s just me. May I ask again what happened?” he said.

Esme was silent for a long time. “Nothing did happen. That’s just the thing,” she eventually said, keeping her face buried. “I just… I made a mistake doing laundry. All your white shirts are pink now,” she said with a short laugh. “I knew you wouldn’t mind. It was a simple accident. We can buy new shirts. Or I’ll throw bleach in the machine and run them again. But then I thought of the time I did this to Charles, and how he responded by shoving my face underwater until I almost passed out and then threw me against our tiled floors. And suddenly I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stand. All I could see was him,” she finished, breaking into sobs again. Carlisle waited until she was ready to speak again, handing her a handkerchief from his pocket when she looked up.

“I know I’m safe here. I know you won’t hurt me. I should be okay now. I know he won’t come back for me, and even if he could I’m strong enough now to defend myself. But every time something reminds me of him, it sends me into a panic attack. It doesn’t make sense!” she shouted, standing up and throwing the handkerchief across the room. She dissolved into sobs again, falling to her knees on the hard floor. 

“Trauma doesn’t have to make sense,” Carlisle said, still sitting on the bed. “Be a little easier if it did,” he added as her sobs quieted. “Can I hold you?” he asked, standing up and walking to her. She nodded, so he sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. She gripped his tie, playing with the fabric as he spoke again.

“Study after study has proven that things like you have been through physically change the brain. Venom can’t fix it because it’s not broken, just different. You don’t need to be anything other than yourself. We’ll figure anything else out,” he said, running his hand up and down her arm to help comfort her. 

“Thank you,” she said, reaching for his hand and taking it.

“You’re welcome. Is there any way I can help you recover from or handle something like this?” he asked, looking into her eyes.

“No. It’s something I need to learn to handle on my own. But I’m happy to have you here with me,” she said, curling into his body. He kissed the top of her head, pulling her against him as she calmed down

“And besides,” Carlisle began once she was calm. “I believe I will look quite dashing in pink,” he said, laughing. Esme looked up, unable to stop herself from laughing with him.


End file.
